This ship will NOT sail
by Amethystfairy1
Summary: America found a strange website. Long story short the countries are debating, arguing, and occasionally shooting down AU's, ships, rumors, and other things they find as they scroll though all this lovely fanfiction. How did they get from world trade to discussing France and England's questionable relationship? The only thing they can agree on is that it was all America's fault.


**_I would like to say, before I get an onslaught of angry shipper reviews, I actually ship 95% of the ships mentioned in here, so now that I've put that, Please enjoy!_**

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"Dudes, look what I found!" America came running into the G8 conference with a laptop.

"A computer? Congrats." England grumbled dryly.

"Not the computer, what's ON the computer, listen to this, apparently theres this site called Fanfiction, and a bunch of other sites like Archives of our Own, and one I can't pronounce, and another one I can't pronounce either, and they write a crap ton of stories about us!"

"Eh?" France edged over and looked over America's shoulder at the screen.

"It also has these things called 'ships' that are like pairings the writers write about! They love to pair us up with each other! Theres all sorts of stories about it!"

"Ok, so?" England asked.  
"Well, one of the most popular ones is FrUk!"

"WHAT!?" Britain roared, seizing the computer and glaring at it, sure enough, he saw literally thousands of stories circling himself falling in love with the frenchman.  
"Ohonhonhonhon...perhaps we can make their fiction our reality? I'll bet that would make many of them very happy..."

"NO!" Britain shoved France out of the way and continued scrolling.  
"Wow, a ton of people ship something called Ameripan."

Japan slid beneath the table, looking incredibly red in the face.

"Hey! Check a-this! GerIta is the most popular ship in the entire thing!" Italy sang.

"Nein, that can't be!" Germany grabbed the computer, looked at it, and groaned.

"Why...I screwed up Valentines day once! Once!"

Japan reappeared from beneath the table, after calming himself, just in time to here about something called NiChu.

"What is that?" America demanded.

"Let's see..." Britain clicked on one of the stories about 'NiChu' and paled.  
"Looks like...Japan and China."  
"Aii-yah! He's my little brother, aru!" China cried out in disgust as Japan vanished yet again beneath the tablecloth.

"Please do not read anymore." Japan begged from somewhere under the table.

"Don't worry, RusChu is way more popular." America reported as he snatched the laptop back from Britain.

"Become one with Russia, da?"

"NOOOOOOO!" China dove beneath the table.  
"Hello, China-san."  
"Ni hao, Japan."

"Oh god, USUK!?" America cried out in horror.  
"Bloody hell, you're MY BROTHER!" Britain yelled.

"I know right? Oh no, they ship me with Canada too? Why!?"

"Looks like Sweden and Finland are popular." France observed.  
"Ok, now that I could actually see." America admitted.

"Same." All the countries in the room agreed.  
"Hey, what's Giripan?"  
"Please stop, we all know by now that something ending with 'pan' involves me." Japan said from beneath the table, where he and China were still hiding.  
"Um...let's see here...Greece and Japan? They do spend a lot of time together." Britain nodded.

"Please stop." Japan repeated.

"Ohonhonhon! What is this?" France, with a graceful twirl, scooped up the laptop from in front of America and settled into his own chair.  
"IggyChu? My my my, there are quite a lot of Pirate England, Slave China stores on here. I should read these sometime..."

"Aii-yah!"  
"OW!"

England yelped as he jumped up from the table and clutched his shin.

"Why!? I certainly don't ship it!"

China merely stuck his head out from under the table cloth, blew a raspberry at England, and disappeared behind the white fabric.

"Hows...PruCan? I WILL NOT ALLOW MY TWIN TO BE WITH THAT MANIAC!"

America wailed quickly clicking to the next pairing.  
"What's HongIce?"

"NOPE!"

China's voice came from under the tablecloth.

"But why..."  
"NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE!"

"Ok then...China does _not_ ship it."  
"NOPE!"  
"Mon dieu, I get it! Next...here's one that just says Taiwan x America."

"WHAT!?"

Japan and China shot from beneath the table and looked ready to rip American's head off.

"No one dates our little flower!" Both of them roared.

"Dudes! I'm not dating your sister!" America cried, waving his arms in the air to fend off possible attack.

"Heres..."

France promptly burst into tears and ran into the corner, where he curled up in his own personal curtain of shadows sobbing.

Russia wandered over to the laptop and looked at the screen.

"It is saying something about France x Joan of arc?"

"Oh. I honestly don't blame the frog for getting upset." Britain said, nodded and crossing his arms.  
"DenNor, Holy Rome x Chibitalia..."

Italy threw himself into Germany as he broke down into uncontrollable tears.

"AmeBel?"

America shuddered when he read this one aloud.  
"Hey, theres a lot of Turkey x Greece. Greece would not be pleased."  
"Turkey-san would not be either." Japan said, walking over to the laptop, seeing the word Itapan, and then turning so bright red Italy, having calmed, sang.

"Hey, Japan, you a-look like a tomato!"

"I will be under the table if you need me."

America squinted at the screen.  
"This one is me and China! He's the oldest and I'm the youngest, though!"

China was under the table again, too.

"Seychelles x France too? But I thought they were cousins?"

"Mon dieu, we _are_ cousins!" France cried out.

America looked over at France.  
"Oh, hey, bro, you got over that chick who was burned alive that fast?"

France's face screwed up, he started bawling, and flung himself square into England's arms.  
"Bloody hell, get off, you frog!"

"J-Joan was A FRIEND! A *hiccup* DEAR DEAR FRIEND!"

England awkwardly tried to calm down France, and Russia started chuckling as he looked at the screen of the laptop.

"This one is being called RusAme...become one, da?"

"NOOOO!" America screamed, frantically searching through the site.  
"Look! Look! RusBel!"  
"NYEEET!" Russia cried.

"This one is... Allies x Reader? Huh, looks like they write about us falling in love with them." America said as he scrolled.

"I'll take anyone over him, aru! Here me Reader, aru? I'm all yours if you just keep him away from me!" China exclaimed, his hand appearing and pointing uncannily at Russia.

"Looks like a ton of high school alternate universes. Sheesh, bros, in these it's the Newspaper club, or the Axis, versus the popular boys, or us, the Allies." America said.

"Hey! This ones cool! We're all students at a spy academy!"

"Huh?" Everyone chorused.

"Yeah, we're in this sick school where we get trained to be super spies! France is a lock pick, China's an infiltrating type person. One time we even convince him to dress up like a chick and seduce some guy before he knocks him out!"

"What is wrong with these authors, aru!?" China demanded.  
"Then I'm the brunt force. And apparently you're the best student in the school."

"I like the way these authors think, as long as I don't dress like a girl, aru!"

"Bro, that happens in half the stories with you in it."

"Aii-yah..."

"Hey! Looky! We're on an airship! And in space! And we work at a cafe! And a restaurant and an office building and we all leave in the same apartment complex! This is so cool, we have so many different AU's! This readers have such awesome imaginations!"

Alfred cried, grinning as he scrolled through all the AU selections.

Russia leaned over his shoulder.

"What's the Tea family?"

"I dunno, how about you click on it, genius?" England shot back insultingly.

"Sheesh, aren't you touchy, Iggy. Let's see...look's like Daddy England Mommy China and Child Hong Kong."

"WHAT!? HONG KONG IS _MY_ LITTLE BROTHER, ARU! _MINE_! HE IS IN NO WAY EVEN DISTANTLY RELATED TO THAT ONE!"

China roared, pointing furiously at England.  
"He did live with me."  
"You kidnapped him, aru."  
"He grew to like me well enough."  
"He kicked you in the shins and ran back to me the first chance he got, aru."

England sighed.

"I handed him back willingly."  
"He still kicked you in the shins."  
"Well he's got a british accent when he speaks english, now doesn't he? And he uses words like 'git' and 'bloody hell' instead of 'aii-yah' or whatever it is you say."

"Aii-yah! He still has his Cantonese accent, thank you very much, aru!"

Alfred snickered.

"I wonder what Hong Kong would think of this if he were here."

Japan sighed.  
"He would probably think it was annoying and pointless for them to argue like this. He is my younger brother as well. He's related to most of eastern asia."

"How did we get from world politics to fanfiction to shipping to AU's to Hong Kong's accent again?" France asked suddenly.

"It was all America's fault." England said instantly.

"Agreed."

* * *

 _ **I just don't know anymore. I was bored, alright!? So a dug through some of my old work in my computer and found this half finished thing and figured I may as well finish it off! Please review and let me know what you thought, or if there are any other ships the countries missed while they explored !**_


End file.
